There are two approaches you can take to meeting women during the day.
1. Go for a lot of phone numbers,
2. Go for strong connections.
Neither way is wrong*, it just comes down to preference.
Let’s say you prefer to go for a lot of phone numbers.
You should be getting 20-30+ phone numbers a week if you’re going to pull this approach off successfully. It’s a numbers game, and you need leads if you’re going to have results. Your time should be spent having quick, fun and flirty conversations and you should be getting a woman’s phone number within 5-10 minutes.
There are a couple of ways I get more solid numbers when using this method. One is to suggest a “date” (get together for coffee to get to know each other more) and then put the ball in her court to see if she really wants to do that, or if she’s just trying to be polite because she doesn’t know how to handle you standing there asking for her number and she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by rejecting you flat out. So ask her if she’s open to getting coffee and let her respond.
If she says yes, you can challenge the yes by asking if she’s saying yes because she’ll actually show up, or if she’s just being polite. Tell her it won’t hurt your feelings if she declines. Putting a woman on the spot like this will weed out the ones who won’t show up ahead of time, and helps you to learn the difference between when a woman actually likes you and when you’re confusing her attention for attraction.
You’ll also need to weed through the phone numbers and invest time into having some text conversations. If you find that women aren’t responding, then they weren’t all that interested to begin with. Keep talking to the women who text you back.
Now let’s say you prefer going for connections.
You should be getting at least 3-5 instant dates a week (an instant date is when you meet a woman during the day and you immediately do some activity after talking with her for a few minutes) if you’re going to pull this method off successfully. It’s a connection game, and you need time to build that connection properly if you’re going to have results. Your time should be spent having deep, meaningful conversations – with a slight touch of flirty-ness to them – that last anywhere from half an hour to two hours, and you should be setting up the next date before you part ways.
Getting a woman’s phone number is just a by-product of this approach, not a goal. I ask the same question about really wanting to get together and put the ball in her court. This approach will give you feedback on your connection skills, and if your instant dates don’t last 30 or more minutes, you will need to build your skill set to make better connections.
A great way to end an instant date and find out if you built a great connection is to go for a kiss on the lips and see how she reacts. You won’t always connect, and you don’t need to, but when you do, you know she’s interested. Sometimes she’s interested but won’t kiss you, so just wait for next time. I personally like to go in for the kiss, get real close to her lips just to show her that I [i]could[/i] kiss her, without actually kissing her. This builds more tension and will leave her thinking about what that first kiss is going to be like.
* I see these two approaches as a measure of personal growth. Once you start getting phone numbers from women, it can feel pretty good, but it can also be a trap, as building a connection is perceived to be harder – it’s not, it’s just a different skill – and you naturally won’t want to leave your comfort zone. Getting phone numbers is good, but you’ll still need to build connections and the sooner you realize that the sooner you can get to work on it.
My preferred approach is to build connections. I actually enjoy meeting a new woman and building that connection with her. That is a reward in and of itself.
April 28, 2013 @ 9:11 PM
-What places do you recommend to go to meet women during the day.
-I’ve practiced day game before and some girls seem to be interested and attracted but they are scared because a stranger approached them. What can I do to make her relax?
May 6, 2013 @ 12:15 AM
– Places: There are two places. Inside and outside.
I’m only half kidding, because I don’t go out to any place in particular anymore. I just live my life and go where I go because I’m going there. When I see a woman I want to meet, I just go meet her.
But, when I was still learning, I was going to places that have a high amount of people traffic. The only reason is because it just increased the amount of women I could talk to in the time I set aside to practice these skills.
– Scared: Well, the first thing you can do is call it out and let her know that you can see she’s scared. You can say something like “Hey, I can see you’re a bit alarmed, I bet you don’t get approached by a lot of guys like this do you?” She’ll say probably say no, she doesn’t, and you can follow up with something like “It’s ok, relax, I’m just a normal guy, I promise I won’t bite.” and just start talking about yourself and making yourself vulnerable by revealing yourself to her first. The key is to let her know you recognize her emotional state and do something about it to make her feel better.
May 6, 2013 @ 10:49 PM
How do I make myself vulnerable? What do you mean by that? Revealing myself? What are you talking about?
May 7, 2013 @ 5:30 AM
Well for one, being vulnerable means being willing, and able, to reveal and talk about your weaknesses, in a mature and insightful manner, without shame or guilt. It is the willingness to reveal any thing about yourself, at any time, to any one, without fear. (This certainly goes to say that discretion should be used, it’s definitely not ok to share certain things at certain times, but just being willing to share is good.)
For two, this is scary as shit for most guys and they shudder to even think about this because it goes against their ego’s survival protection mechanism.
For three, it’s not a tactic, it’s a way of being. If one tried using this as a tactic, they will be found out and it will backfire.
Fourth, you only need to reveal a little bit about yourself, and in small increments.
Fifth and finally, this is so much more powerful (when done genuinely) than any dating skill known in the world.
May 7, 2013 @ 6:45 AM
Could you give examples of how to be vulnerable with a girl that I just met?
May 8, 2013 @ 5:49 PM
Not really with things specific to you because you need to come up with your own examples that are specific to you. Being vulnerable is about revealing feelings. If you just had a relative or friend pass away, talk about that and reveal the hurt behind it. If talking to her makes you nervous, reveal that. Other times it could be admitting mistakes, or things about your past that you fear someone might judge you on. If you were a recovered alcoholic you could admit your past troubles. Whatever reveals a feeling that you think someone would judge you on usually good examples, but revealing a weakness is only a strength when you display that you’ve either overcome it or are at least dealing with it. If a relative just died, you’re obviously dealing with it. If you’re a recovered alcoholic, you’ve dealt with it, but it you are current alcoholic you need to be dealing with it. If you don’t care that you’re an alcoholic, it isn’t revealing anything vulnerable.
Is this starting to make more sense?
April 28, 2013 @ 9:16 PM
-Could you give a small example of how to create a strong connection in a short period of time?
-What kind of subjects do you talk about?
May 6, 2013 @ 12:21 AM
– Connection & Subjects: The objective to finding topics is to find things you have in common with each other. Once you reveal a bit about yourself to her, you could ask her some questions designed to find what you are really looking for in a woman. (That requires you to put some thought into who you want to meet while you’re out searching before you go out.) Once you find something, LISTEN to what she says until she’s done, REWARD her for opening up and make her feel good about having shared that with you “I’m so glad you shared that with me because…”, and SHARE your own story about your own experiences with her. Repeat a few times and you have the process of building rapport.
May 17, 2013 @ 10:53 PM
No idea why there’s no REPLY to your last comment about vulnerability so I decided to answer here.
I understand what you are saying and it seems to me that making yourself vulnerable it’s pretty common when you trust somebody AFTER you’ve met that person for certain period of time. That’s why I’m surprised about recommending to make yourself vulnerable as soon as you meet a new girl. What can I reveal to a girl that I just met that I can make myself vulnerable and it’s not TMI? At least in my case I don’t make myself vulnerable with people IDK, maybe just if we have a very good chemistry and I feel I can trust her.
I had an experience where a girl made herself vulnerable (after knowing each other for 3 months) and I decided to run away. She was a little bit chubby and had some issues about it. She told me she didn’t have orgasms during intercourse, and that she preferred masturbation instead of real sex. She told me she usually wears a gown while having sex.
I was really scared after I listened to her testimony and decided to don’t call her anymore. I guess this is a case of revealing too much information about herself and an issue she didn’t overcome.
May 18, 2013 @ 6:37 AM
Perhaps you missed it, but I did reply. It’s right there, I’m looking at it now.
There are a few reasons why making yourself vulnerable is worth doing.
– For one, you show you can talk about your flaws or fears in a responsible and mature way, this shows that you have depth and can reflect on yourself, as well as showing courage to reveal what most people consider to be weaknesses. Ever hear the saying “make your weaknesses your strengths”? This is a way of doing that.
– For two, this is a way of leading the conversation into something more real between two people. Leading is the keyword. Men lead. For you to reveal something about yourself shows you are a leader, it shows you are willing to go first, which can put someone you don’t know at ease.
– Third and most importantly, you are being real. No need to act like someone you aren’t, be extra nice and show proper manners and all of those formalities. Just be real.
As far as what YOU can reveal, you are need to look inside of yourself for that. You are looking outside, at me, hoping I point something out for you, and you are avoiding looking inside where the real answers are. I don’t know what your answers are, I only know what mine are.
If you are waiting until you trust her, you have a trust issue that you need to deal with. Why can’t you trust yourself to be who you are with women you just met? Is it because you might scare them off, the same way you ran away from the girl who shared something vulnerable about herself with you?
The problem wasn’t her revealing too much so much as it was how you reacted to it. You even admitted feeling fear. You didn’t overcome fear to keep that relationship going. And why even bother saying “She was a little bit chubby”? Who cares? You do, if you had to mention it. What does that have to do with anything? Am I supposed to read that and say “Oh yeah, she was chubby, well forget her?” I mean really… Again, only if it’s something that matters to you does it matter. Mentioning she is chubby is the excuse you created to rationalize your action of running away, to rationalize your own fears and insecurities. You are protecting yourself. From what I don’t know, but it causes you to lose out on opportunities you have in life.
One other thing before I wrap this up. If a woman has a problem with you revealing too much, much like the problem of you freaking out about getting “TMI”, that’s not the kind of woman you really want to be with now, is it? Much like a woman who revealed something personal about herself only for you to reject her for it wouldn’t want to be with you either.
This trust issue is yours. I sense that you have a problem with intimacy, real intimacy. If you want to do well with women, you would be wise to deal with these trust and intimacy issues. You can start by being vulnerable.
All my best,
May 18, 2013 @ 9:15 AM
What I meant was that there’s no reply “button” after your previous comment about vulnerability to keep everything in one column.
“Third and most importantly, you are being real. No need to act like someone you aren’t, be extra nice and show proper manners and all of those formalities. Just be real.”
I really like this but it seems to me that a vast quantity of people try to be fake and “perfect” when dating.
“If you are waiting until you trust her, you have a trust issue that you need to deal with. Why can’t you trust yourself to be who you are with women you just met? Is it because you might scare them off”
Well, I think the word vulnerable implies you can be rejected for something that the other person don’t like about you. When you make yourself VULNERABLE you can be liked or disliked for it. Just like how happened with the girl I was talking about before, she made herself vulnerable and I decided I didn’t want to deal with sexual problems ’cause sex is important to me.
When you make yourself vulnerable one option is rejection, nothing wrong with that.
And why even bother saying “She was a little bit chubby”? Who cares? You do, if you had to mention it. What does that have to do with anything? Am I supposed to read that and say “Oh yeah, she was chubby, well forget her?” I mean really… Again, only if it’s something that matters to you does it matter. Mentioning she is chubby is the excuse you created to rationalize your action of running away, to rationalize your own fears and insecurities. You are protecting yourself. From what I don’t know, but it causes you to lose out on opportunities you have in life.”
Geez! I mentioned she was chubby to make clear where she’s coming from: she’s a girl full of complexes, therefore she didn’t have orgasms. I was hitting on her, so I liked her but she saw HERSELF like a whale. She even used to make fun of other overweight women, I think as a way to release her own tension.
“This trust issue is yours. I sense that you have a problem with intimacy, real intimacy. If you want to do well with women, you would be wise to deal with these trust and intimacy issues. You can start by being vulnerable.”
I think most people trust somebody else AFTER certain periodof time, that’s why it caught my attention talking about vulnerability when you jut meet a girl. I imagine it’s a way to accelerate the process of creating trust.
May 27, 2013 @ 6:19 PM
– Right, people do try to “be perfect” while dating, and since no one is perfect, they are essentially being something they are not, and they end up not being “real”.
– The thing you aren’t getting is that rejection is a reflection of the other person, NOT YOU.
– And also what you’re not getting is, yeah, that girl may have had a problem, and she was being vulnerable by exposing that, and you are too busy looking for perfection, which we’ve already established isn’t possible, so you are holding women to impossible standards. Allow them to be imperfect. Be willing to deal with imperfection. In yourself and others. Stop holding everyone to impossible standards. Let it go. Be who you are and let others be who they are.
– No, you didn’t mention she was chubby for that reason, you’re back tracking here. Trust me on this one.
– People with trust issues don’t trust people, period. What has time got to do with it? Even it if takes 5 years to trust someone, that person still has a trust issue…. And yeah, if you assume trust it certainly does expedite the process! But it also removes the issue of trust! Right?
May 29, 2013 @ 5:18 AM
How to trust women? I want to, I really want to but I feel I must keep my guard up all the time with them. Why? Some women play games (manipulation) to get guys. Some women use manipulation to get information. Some women lead guys on (it happens). Some women betray. Some women leave their current BF AFTER they find a new one (isn’t that using somebody?), these women even talk about their current BF in a horrible way, showing no respect for him. IDK, I think it’s hard to trust people in general and in this specific case women for all the reasons mentioned above.
June 7, 2013 @ 10:44 PM
Your focus is on what you don’t want here. As long as you are focused on what you don’t want, you’ll create it for yourself. Let go of “wanting” to trust, and actually do it. Start looking for reasons to trust women. You’ll find them just as easily.
May 29, 2013 @ 5:36 AM
I should mention too that some women show their feelings without playing games. Some women are trustworthy, some women are respectful and considerate. Some women are open to a relationship and want to love and be loved.
June 7, 2013 @ 10:46 PM
But you are not open to those same things, or this wouldn’t be a problem, wouldn’t it?
May 29, 2013 @ 8:30 AM
About the girl with sexual issues. That happened like 5 years ago, in that period I just wanted to have fun, If I had something with that girl I knew it was going to take time and effort. We weren’t on the same page, so I moved on. Nothing wrong with that, IMO.
Funny, the community recommends to DON’t deal with girls eith trust issues ’cause can be a real pain in the beck., and here you are saying that I had to deal wirh the girl with sexual issues. Yeah, nobody is perfect but…..
June 7, 2013 @ 10:50 PM
Yeah, 5 years ago and you’re still hung up on it. You wouldn’t be bringing it up if you weren’t. And you say “time and effort” like it’s a bad thing. If you care about someone that is part of the journey.
You are the one with trust issues yet you want an amazing woman. Why should an amazing woman want to deal with you? Especially when she can just find a guy who can trust?
June 12, 2013 @ 11:06 PM
I’m talking about this girl because you mentioned: Vulnerability, and this is the best example I can remember I’ve had with a girl. This girl was nice, sweet but she was full of fears. She made herself vulnerable after 3 months of plirting at work, we never had a date, we never kissed and of course we never had sex. After 3 months this girl drops this bomb, I appreciate she was honest and open about the subject but at the same time it was a turn off. Yes, nobody is perfect but I wouldn’t interact with a girl addicted to heroin, for example, or in this case with a girl with so many problems about her self-image. I liked the way she was and she was even sweet and attentive but her confession was a big turn off to me, that’s all.
June 13, 2013 @ 2:51 PM
It was a turn off because you made a judgment instead of accepting her. The majority of women, even the most beautiful of them, have self-image issues. It’s one of those things you need to accept.
June 14, 2013 @ 6:23 PM
There are different levels of everything, this girl didn’t have orgasms, she preferred to masturbate than having sex, she worn a gown while she had sex, she used to make fun of over-weight women, etc. i didn’t judge anything it’s just that I’m not a shrink, she needs, REQUIRES professional help and I don’t want to deal with that. It’s a lot easier and FUN to deal with a girl that’s a lot more secure about her self-image.
It seems you advocate to be a nice guy and sacrifice your life for a woman that I didn’t even date. Time is money.
June 14, 2013 @ 6:24 PM
I disagree, I’ve dated women that are confident about their self-image. You are generalizing hrre.