Conversation With A Feminist About Dating Men
Feminism may work for women in the workplace, but the evidence is overwhelming that a feminist mindset does NOT work to a woman’s advantage in romantic relationships, it actually works against her, and unless you’re an alpha female who knows she wants an effeminate man, pay attention to this article. The fact is that many women say they want a strong, masculine man, but many of those same women unconsciously behave in ways that emasculate men, thus driving them away. It’s an energetic thing. Feminism has women thinking and behaving in ways that are more masculine so they can be competitive in the workforce. But that doesn’t work in relationships because dating is not a competitive sport. Here are a couple of examples..
I was talking to a single woman in her late 20’s to early 30’s. She grew up and still lives in a lower-income environment but has a decent job and is raising a child on her own. She was telling me that the new guy she was starting to see was “coming on too strong“. I asked her how and she told me “he’s always offering to do things for me. I tell him I don’t need or want him to do stuff like that.” Now it’s possible that this young lady views this kind of offering as one that might come with strings attached, meaning she might think that if she accepts his help that he might try to use that later to have sex with her. Chances are that she may have encountered a man like this before and because she internally felt like she owed him, she likely gave into sex. Well, if she thinks she owes him something, she’ll behave in a way that reinforces her belief, but if she thought differently, she would be able to enforce her boundaries with grace and not allow a man to take advantage of her like that. But instead, she puts on a hard outer shell and doesn’t let a man in. This new guy may or may not be like this hypothetical other guy, but she’ll never find out because she’s not embracing her feminine role of receiving what a man has to give.
Well ladies, I’ve got news for you. MEN WANT TO FEEL NEEDED. This is one a man’s strongest attractors to a woman. Think of it like this… Would you like it if a man brought you flowers? Most likely you would. That is a MAN’S GIFT TO YOU. It’s the EXACT SAME for a man when he offers to do something for you that you can do yourself. IT’S HIS GIFT TO YOU. And it is the FEMININE ROLE to ACCEPT a mans gifts. The man gives, and the woman accepts.
Next example…
Being argumentative and/or unhappy. Read the conversation below that I had with a female “feminist” friend. All through the conversation I am using talking points I learned from other women! My friend can NOT accept hearing those words from me because I am a man! Yet she thinks I am the sexist. Here’s an example of a female dating coach using the same exact words and phrases as I do…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6bLG51Jm7U
The conversation all started when I made a post to my Facebook wall that said:
Men Love Women Who Are Easy To Please & Can Make Them Feel Good About Being A Man.
FEMALE FRIEND #1
Define, easy to please? And why does he need her to make him feel good about being a male?
MATT ADAMS
First off, men are attracted to happy women, no matter if it is at the beginning of dating or decades into a relationship.
Second, to define easy to please… This is really just a mindset shift for women to not only accept and receive from men, but to start and continue to praise men for what they do for women.
He needs her to make him feel good about being male because anything less than that is making him feel BAD about being male. And I don’t mean having a penis being male, I mean having his masculine energy and doing what come naturally for him to do for a woman (solve problems, contribute to her well being, etc etc etc..).
Like I said, it’s really about a mindset, and energetic shift, for women. In relationship, they need to shift out of their masculine energy and back into their feminine energy.
FEMALE FRIEND #2
And what does a guy do for a woman then? Why is it so one sided? Why should I have to praise someone in order for them to treat me like a human?
MATT ADAMS
Oh. Hi Female Friend #1. Welcome to the conversation. I’ve been waiting for you to arrive. ?
First off, a guy has typically already done something for a woman. Maybe it was starting a conversation online or approaching in person, or maybe it planning a date…
And, it isn’t one-sided at all!! The gift that all women have to give men is the gift of acceptance and receiving. If/when a woman accepts a man’s invitation to converse or to go on a date, she gives a part of herself just as he has given a part of himself. She has met him halfway and they are equal. Equal, yet different. He advances, she accepts.
NOT praising someone isn’t treating them as human, isn’t it…? And you catch more flies with honey than you do with shit. Honey is being soft and feminine, shit is, well, having a masculine energy.
FEMALE FRIEND #3
what do you mean “Not praising someone isn’t treating them as human, isn’t it?” I think I’m too dumb to understand unless it’s just too many “not”s in there
MATT ADAMS
Well what’s the opposite of praising someone? Putting them down or insulting them, right?
FEMALE FRIEND #2
Dude: I want to lick your pussy
Me: (according to your understanding of relationships) Oh, thank you for acknowledging my vagina. No one ever does that…..we should grab coffee sometime.
Seriously? You assume that men see women as having value all the time. Most men view women as an ends to satisfy THEIR needs. 90% of guys talk to women because they are solely interested in getting laid. So I should be happy to just be sexualized all the time? You get what you give to someone. If you don’t respect someone, you can’t be surprised when they don’t respond to you with respect. Why should women praise men for doing the laundry? Do men praise women when they do the laundry? I just don’t think you need to praise someone for acting like a grown ass adult. And women do waaaay more for men, without an acknowledgement. I’ve i initiated conversation, dates, and even planned them, all because I’m interested in seeing where it might lead me. And if a guy isn’t interested in being an active participant in a date or a relationship, you’re just wasting your time. It won’t grow into anything more.
MATT ADAMS
Whoa. Way to jump to conclusions there.
Dude: I want to lick your pussy
Me:
You don’t have to reply to that, of course, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that instead of being angry about messages like that, be thankful *in your own mind* that you’re getting messages, that men are interested in you, and that guys like that weed themselves out.
Remember, this is not about not having good boundaries or putting up with bad behavior, this is about a shift in mindset and energy, from jaded and angry to thankful and hopeful.
“You assume that men see women as having value all the time.”
YOU assume that I assume that. I don’t.
“Most men view women as an ends to satisfy THEIR needs.”
I have to ask you… is that a mindset that is going to lead you more towards a good result, or more towards a bad result?
I’m not debating that there are men out there that think that way, I’m asking you if having that mindset is going to help you find a good guy or not.
— There are plenty of men out there who think about how they can show *their* value to women. —
Would that be a more beneficial mindset to hold, or a less beneficial mindset to hold?
“90% of guys talk to women because they are solely interested in getting laid.”
Sure. Sex is how men connect with women. Men crave physical intimacy. There’s no way around this, except through it.
So my question for you is how can you rectify a man’s need for physical intimacy with your desire for a good relationship?
“So I should be happy to just be sexualized all the time?”
Yes! Men are giving you the gift of desiring you! Accept that men find you desirable. That’s all. You don’t have to have sex with them, just receive the message that you are desired.
You see? It’s just a mindset shift.
“You get what you give to someone.”
Yes! And if you are subconsciously sending out the vibration that you are angry at men and jaded with dating, men are picking up on that- the very men that you WANT to be messaging you, are picking up on that!
“If you don’t respect someone, you can’t be surprised when they don’t respond to you with respect.”
Right, and as previously mentioned, you don’t have to *respond*, you just have to silently be thankful they messaged and they find you desirable. That is the feminine way, the feminine energy.
“Why should women praise men for doing the laundry?”
Because they appreciate his effort and because they want them to do it again, of course! hahaha
“Do men praise women when they do the laundry? “
Yes! Jersey does my laundry (I used to always do my own) and ask her, I praise her and appreciate her taking care of me in that way. I am capable of doing my own laundry, but that is a way that she wants to give to me, and I accept her gift to me. So sure, it goes both ways.
“I just don’t think you need to praise someone for acting like a grown ass adult.”
Ahhh… you do if you want them to keep acting that way. ?
“And women do waaaay more for men, without an acknowledgement.”
You’re getting into a slippery slope here because it’s really tough to start quantifying this. Some people give too little, others give too much. Some people take advantage of that, other people give as much as they get. This is a blanket statement with many factors to consider.
“I’ve i initiated conversation, dates, and even planned them, all because I’m interested in seeing where it might lead me. And if a guy isn’t interested in being an active participant in a date or a relationship, you’re just wasting your time. It won’t grow into anything more.”
Ohhhhh. So you are in your masculine energy here and you’re wondering why you aren’t seeing a result.
*You *Are *Not *Letting *The *Man *Lead *And *You *Are *Scaring *Him *Off *By *Acting *Out *The *Masculine *Role!
You are not in your feminine energy here and because you are not open to receiving, you are pushing men away.
A man who *really* wants you is going to claim you.
I’d love to hear your thoughts…
FEMALE FRIEND #2
Ummmm…..yeah. Let me ask you a question. If a woman uses you for a free meal, do you feel grateful that she saw you as a good provider? Probably not. No one likes to be used. It’s the number one reason why guys don’t like to be asked about what they do for a living. Ask the ladies what 90% of the messages they receive are like. I don’t get pissed anymore. I used to. Now I just don’t put any effort into anyone unless they put it into me first. But you didn’t specify that. You said men should be rewarded for their attempt. The approach matters. Once again, you are blaming the woman without acknowledging the man’s role in generating it. And you are suggesting that women be subservient to a man, and that will solve all their problems. You made a blanket statement that would make men think they are justified in behaving badly, and it makes women think they should go along with it. That’s what I was trying to point out. When I waited for the man to make a move, I went on 1 or 2 dates. Waiting for the man to do what most men lament as the toughest part of the dating process didn’t get me anywhere. When I became a proactive participant, I went on 20-30 dates. Most of the time I realized that we weren’t a match for whatever reason. When I did like someone, and thought there was something there, I often found myself being the one to drive the relationship. And then I realized that. Now I look for an equal effort. If they aren’t trying, I don’t bother. I’m not jaded. Rather I have learned that a relationship isn’t going to happen if the other person doesn’t want it to. Guys will continue to date if I suggest it, but they don’t plan it. I’m waiting for someone who is as invested as me. As a woman, that means dealing with a ton of bad behavior, and dealing with 10% of the male population that is capable and ready for a relationship. It’s not a negative mindset. It’s approaching dating with open eyes so you aren’t used.
MATT ADAMS
“If a woman uses you for a free meal, do you feel grateful that she saw you as a good provider?”
Women don’t use me for meals, I weed women like that out ahead of time. Which is actually what I said to you about not having sex with every guy who wants you. If I had suggested for you to have sex with them, then I think you’d have a valid point here. But that’s not what I said…
And I didn’t say men should be rewarded for their attempt either, I said that a woman should feel grateful that a man approached her, that he made the first move. She doesn’t have to give a man anything, it’s just all about the way she *feels* about his actions. Feelings are decisions, you get to decide what to feel about anything. This means one has to be conscious enough to notice those situations, to notice when feelings come up, and to make those decisions to have a positive feeling about it.
“10% of the male population that is capable and ready for a relationship”
Here’s the problem that women face: 90% of men aren’t “relationship ready”. Right? But what that really means is that men aren’t sure they want a relationship with YOU (not you personally, but any woman, right?)
Now, women aren’t going to change the odds. But what women need to do learn to hedge their bets within that 90%. Meaning, a woman needs to learn HOW to date men that fall into that 90%.
Why? Because as I said, that 90% of men are not sure they want a relationship with any particular woman. And it’s going to take them a while to figure that out, too.
Holding out for a guy in that ideal 10% is a total crapshoot. It just doesn’t work. I mean hey, if that guy pops up, by all means put yourself on his radar. But chances are he’s not going to show up…
So…
A woman has to learn how to date guys that aren’t ready for relationships. Because many of those men actually WANT relationships, and again, they just aren’t sure they want that relationship with a particular woman and it’s going to take them a while to figure out if they are.
Men are just as weary as women about dating and relationships. Men want their freedom and any woman who shows signs of wanting to take that from him is going to push that man away.
What women need to do is learn how to lure a man in using irresistible feminine attraction. This means she must be fully within her feminine energy. Her needs must already be met, she must show no signs of wanting to take a man’s freedom, she must let him go when he pulls away, she must praise him for what he does for her, and many other things that will lure him.
Women need to learn to attract men with sugar, instead of repelling them with salt.
<3
FEMALE FRIEND #2
You do realize you’re talking out of both sides of your ass, right? On one hand, you say it’s ok for a woman to have boundaries and thus weed out men. On the other hand, you’re suggesting we go along with their bullshit in the hopes that they will figure out how great we are. That sounds like a huge waste of time to me. But you’re advocating both positions. Weed out people, but then still give them a chance. Huh? You’re trying to have it both ways. And why should I change? Why shouldn’t the men do some self reflection and get their shit together? Why do I have to do the work to attract someone who isn’t even ready?
And no woman feels special when a guy makes a crude comment to her. That’s no meant to build her up-it’s meant to tear her down. Accepting it as something else is incredibly dangerous to her self esteem, and it let’s the guy off the hook for his bad behavior.
MATT ADAMS
I can understand that the concept seems foreign to you. I’m not exactly revealing the full strategy here either. And you’ve been doing things your way now for quite a while, and without the result that you want. That seems like just as much of a waste of time if you ask me.
But this DOES work. I know because this is exactly what happened with Jersey and I.
And of course it seems backwards, most times when we think ourselves into a box the only way out is to go back to where we came from, instead of deeper into the box, right?
“And why should I change?”
Because YOU are the only variable you have control over, and (I mean no offense here at all) because the results you’ve gotten speak for themselves.
“Why shouldn’t the men do some self reflection and get their shit together?”
I agree that men should do this, but that isn’t going to happen. In fact, what *is* happening is more and more men are working on themselves and also NOT getting into relationships with women! (see MGTOW movement (which imho is just as bad as feminism…)
Also, men don’t want to be changed by women, this goes against their quest for freedom. While I understand and support the thought, the facts are that it just isn’t going to happen. So the only thing you *can* do, the only thing you *can* control, is the way you approach dating.
“And no woman feels special when a guy makes a crude comment to her. That’s no meant to build her up-it’s meant to tear her down.”
Again, you get to DECIDE how you feel about this. You’ve clearly chosen to feel bad about it, but, as crude as it is, a guy that says “I want to lick your pussy” is NOT trying to put a woman down. He really isn’t. He’s just sex driven. He doesn’t understand that women are EMOTIONALLY driven. He doesn’t understand that if he could just be cool, be kind, be attractive, and make her FEEL something for him that he could have all the sex he wants. He leads with his own desire because THAT’S ALL HE KNOWS! This is where feminism wants to punish men for being men! But that doesn’t work! It just makes women even more unhappy!
“Why do I have to do the work to attract someone who isn’t even ready?”
Because NOT doing the work isn’t working, isn’t it? You’ve played the same pattern out for years and it hasn’t worked. It is the feminine energy to inspire a man to commit, not to wait for one to show up. That is the way. And it just works. Period. Try and prove me wrong. And I don’t mean by going back and forth with me in the thread, I mean try using the info I put here and see what happens. You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
FEMALE FRIEND #2
I’m not going to settle for someone who doesn’t know what they want. You’re advocating for women to settle. I’ve had my time wasted by plenty of guys while they “figured” out what they wanted. And I’ve discovered that I’m much happier without a man, than I am with one. And I’m ok with that. By your logic, this should make men want me. But it doesn’t. That’s just reality. Many woman do what you’re suggesting, and it doesn’t work for the vast majority of women. Why are your posts always about what women need to do to change the relationship dynamic? How about educating the men?
MATT ADAMS
No, I’m NOT advocating for women to “settle”. Again, I’m not revealing the entire strategy here on FB, so there are parts that are missing that would address this for you. The beauty of this is that when it’s done right, a woman inspires a man to CLAIM her! Which is how the 90% MUST operate!
“I’ve had my time wasted by plenty of guys while they “figured” out what they wanted”
&
“By your logic, this should make men want me. But it doesn’t. That’s just reality. Many woman do what you’re suggesting, and it doesn’t work for the vast majority of women.”
Granted, you, and many other women, also didn’t have the strategies that I’m not posting publicly…
“I’ve discovered that I’m much happier without a man, than I am with one.”
Ok, cool… And you’re still no closer to a relationship either…
“Why are your posts always about what women need to do to change the relationship dynamic?”
They are not always about educating women. Lately, yes, I’ve had several posts aimed toward women, but I all of questions I used to post were both men AND women to learn from.
“How about educating the men?”
You *do* know that I ran a mens group of 200 guys for 3 years, right? I was also a member for a long time before I was handed the reins… And I’ve talked to mens groups too…
—–> Then finally another female friend chimes in with this:
FEMALE FRIEND #4
Female Friend #2, I think you are mistaken … this is NOT what most men want. Yes… men love sex… so what’s wrong with that? This doesn’t mean this is all they care about when it comes to women. This is insulting. It occurs to me that you might have a jaded view. I’m sorry if something terrible happened to you. Men are NOT the enemy. Actually they are women’s biggest ally and when women don’t ‘get’ this, they shoot themselves in the foot.
Female Friend #4, I couldn’t agree more…
